3 months in a nutshell

It's been awhile, hasn't it?
Well, get ready for a rant kids.

KK so far has been inviting, alluring, amazing and at the same time, lonely, miserable, annoying and more or less stressful if I'm being honest. Especially if you have Pediatrics as your first posting - if you have that and you've graduated from an all-international university that resides in Russia, Egypt, Indonesia, Ukraine, etc, then you might consider yourself to be literally screwed.

Although yes, there has been several exceptions to the 'all-international university' rule, there's also a vast majority of people I've met who've graduated from these universities, and found it somewhat difficult to cope and pass their exams, thus having themselves extended in this current posting. Yours truly also got extended because hey, I graduated from Egypt and let me be frank, I for one, am quite shitty/bad at OSCEs. Always have, always will be and so they're a high chance that I might get extended again in Paeds for the 3rd time.

Apparently if you fail your CEX 4 times in a row, you have to be transferred to another hospital(of your choice) and repeat your Peads posting again. If all goes well and you passed with flying colours, you can then opt to go back to KK, Sabah or stay at the current hospital you've been going to and finish the remaining postings you have left.

Well, I can tell you now that I have thought about quitting numerous times within this period I've been in Peads. Most senior posters have told me that Pediatrics is quite alright but as a first posting, I ultimately feel like this is the shit I have to get myself through and in doing so, I can feel my tolerance towards this 'job' I have, to be slowly reducing. I am not like all the other housemans who are 'ready to work' or willing to give themselves away. Hell, I'd admit that I am bloody selfish to think of myself more than that of my patients. I mean yes, a person is able to give themselves away as much as they can but to the brink as to which another individual suffers in terms of not being able to take care of themselves? That in my opinion, is total and utter bull.

But you know, the Malaysian system and all it's fuck uppery.
Anything for this complete shit in the making.

A friend of mine told me that I'm being too selfish. That people are suffering more than I am and they're the ones with the bigger issues, not me. Please, cry me a fucking river. People have different tolerance levels and being in a field that I generally have no interest in, is an excuse I find all the more applicable in this situation. Truth be told, I now have so much anger because I feel like I can't cope although I've been here for approximately 4 months now.

Everything is still a blur.
Everything is still somewhat vague.
Everything feels like it's a fucking mess.

And I hate myself for being placed in this shitty situation with this nagging voice inside my head that keeps telling me that I should've quit 3 years ago while I still had the chance but unfortunately, Asian families and their unfortunate standards.

Rant over.

Less Thinking, Less Writing

So you've noticed that I haven't been on here for approximately 4 months and if you've guessed it right, my sudden diligence(which decided to appear out of nowhere) wanted to get myself a job which could teach me the importance of punctuality and the improvisation of both my people and communicating skills.

And the experience has been somewhat enriching in many aspects. I've met and known several people along the way and it's been a wonderful experience, overall. Sure, working in retail with so many asshole-y customers with their bitchy behaviour and attitude towards a plethora of things(really, a plethora of things which you as a worker would never have thought of to question) can be taxing at times, it does help you to try and overcome these 'crises' in ways you've never thought would be possible aka sweet talking tactics and emotional ignorances can be ensued further on for sure.

Anyways,  although it was a really brief stint in the following industry(2 months), I do think it'll stay with me for some time(or maybe forever, who knows?). After I've stopped working at the following store, I remember having coffee with friends at a coffee shop at NU Sentral. I ordered my regular drink(Mocha) and me having a bit of a sweet tooth, also ordered an additional chocolate chip cookie to satisfy that sudden, incredulous urge. The waiter brought along my drink 5 minutes later but no cookie. Wondered what was up but waited for another 5-10 minutes. Still nothing. So I went up to the counter and said that my cookie hasn't arrived yet and the cashier looked particularly baffled and surprised that he forgot about my order. I told it wasn't a problem and let the issue slide but friends told me I should have made a face and told him that I wanted to speak to his manager and all that hubbub.

The things is, I didn't really feel that was at all necessary. I mean working in retail for 2 months, makes me realize that we humans, can be somewhat monstrous to any particular worker who has caused somewhat of an issue in any particular matter(especially when it involves the F&B industry). Sure, if we're unsatisfied with what has been done - their attitude, their actions, etc - there are certain ways to deal with them, between a customer and that of a worker. There's no required need to scream, shout or show that you're boss since you might be of a "higher status" than these individuals. The one thing I can't really stand is when a particular individual starts wanting to show off his "stripes" because he can or more moronically, because he wants to, just for the fun of it which is absolutely ludicrous. But yes, I believe in treating workers right and if there's still no apologies on their end(for whatever mistake they've made), I suppose you can then, maybe up the ante but to a certain degree which seems befitting.

So yeah, where am I heading to? Kota Kinabalu, Sabah and it's already official. It feels somewhat scary and exciting to bring oneself to a foreign land(albeit, it maybe part of your homeland) but still with more and more greener terrains. That's already a pro in my book but we'll see how all that would turn out.

Anyways, I got to continue on packing and see if all fares to well. Wouldn't want to have additional baggage trips, would I?