&
I only wish to be enveloped in such a company,
for each and every night.
Friday, 25 May 2012
Saturday, 19 May 2012
Silver Lining
Today, I experienced a sequence of unfortunate events.
First of, I went for my usual classes which normally starts at 8am(and I usually reach my destination by walking), only to find out that classes today were cancelled. So, I had to make two trips, to and fro, under the blazing summer sun. Secondly, the zipper to one of my favourite shoes snapped, all the while I was putting them on and currently, I'm not sure if I can actually use them without any complications, thereafter. Thirdly, I almost got ditched by the bus driver for arriving late due to prior complications (classes being cancelled, shoes being problematic and etc) and so, I had to brisk walk from my home to the bus stop(approximately, a kilometer away) as I constantly received numerous calls from people to get my butt on the bus ASAP to which, Alhamdullilah, I did. And finally, after going through all those ordeals, I unfortunately, failed my ICDL exam by 6 marks(69 out 75 marks).
I won't lie, I kind of knew I wouldn't do so well for my ICDL exams. Did I study for it? I did but I suppose, it wasn't good enough. I was a bit of a nervous wreck when I was answering the MCQs and also, the heat from today made me experience a bad case of the headache and not to mention, dehydration. When I saw that I had failed, I surprisingly found myself to be in a very calm state of mind although, I think this could be due to my brain not wanting to digest anymore complex concepts nor emotions, especially when it's being fried right under the sun. However after sometime, I had to text my sister regarding the issue. My mind was beginning to plague with it's negativity and I did not want something as this to bog me down for the rest of today.
The text I received from my sister, thankfully, made my heart all the more lighter as if a heavy burden had been lifted. Her text read,
"Alaa, Takpe Ika. Ni ICDL je. Nasib baik bukan Surgery or benda yang susah, at least you dapat repeat balik. Jangan sedih, okay? I still love you :) Nanti you balik cepat sebab I dah panaskan makanan. Jom makan sama2, masa you balik nanti! :D"
Alhamdullilah, I'm grateful for having an amazing sister like her.
No doubt <3
First of, I went for my usual classes which normally starts at 8am(and I usually reach my destination by walking), only to find out that classes today were cancelled. So, I had to make two trips, to and fro, under the blazing summer sun. Secondly, the zipper to one of my favourite shoes snapped, all the while I was putting them on and currently, I'm not sure if I can actually use them without any complications, thereafter. Thirdly, I almost got ditched by the bus driver for arriving late due to prior complications (classes being cancelled, shoes being problematic and etc) and so, I had to brisk walk from my home to the bus stop(approximately, a kilometer away) as I constantly received numerous calls from people to get my butt on the bus ASAP to which, Alhamdullilah, I did. And finally, after going through all those ordeals, I unfortunately, failed my ICDL exam by 6 marks(69 out 75 marks).
I won't lie, I kind of knew I wouldn't do so well for my ICDL exams. Did I study for it? I did but I suppose, it wasn't good enough. I was a bit of a nervous wreck when I was answering the MCQs and also, the heat from today made me experience a bad case of the headache and not to mention, dehydration. When I saw that I had failed, I surprisingly found myself to be in a very calm state of mind although, I think this could be due to my brain not wanting to digest anymore complex concepts nor emotions, especially when it's being fried right under the sun. However after sometime, I had to text my sister regarding the issue. My mind was beginning to plague with it's negativity and I did not want something as this to bog me down for the rest of today.
The text I received from my sister, thankfully, made my heart all the more lighter as if a heavy burden had been lifted. Her text read,
"Alaa, Takpe Ika. Ni ICDL je. Nasib baik bukan Surgery or benda yang susah, at least you dapat repeat balik. Jangan sedih, okay? I still love you :) Nanti you balik cepat sebab I dah panaskan makanan. Jom makan sama2, masa you balik nanti! :D"
Alhamdullilah, I'm grateful for having an amazing sister like her.
No doubt <3
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Text Message
"So how did you know? How were you sure of it?" I asked.
Impatiently as I waited for his reply, I could see that he was trying hard to recall the absolute reason as to why the previous turn of events brought him here - to where he and her began. I started to irritably pick my nails - a habit I unfortunately, have not been able to omit. For the past few days, I've been asking friends the same question, hoping that my curiosity might actually benefit from it's straight-forwardness but so far, my attempts have not been fruitful - Point blank, it's been a bust thus far. And so, I asked the only person I knew who had a much higher level of experience and understanding in the following field(and believe you me, he was my last hope in knowing what I did not). Slowly, he began to face me, signaling that he had already thought out his answer and as I waited for him to finally speak the words I long to comprehend, the only thing I hoped for is an answer to my simple, unjustified question.
"You just know, you know? It's hard for me to say because everyone differs.
But once you know that that's it, you're pretty much set," he responded.
I sighed. I was hoping I could get something more out of him but alas, his answer was an equivalent to the other gazillion people I asked, beforehand. As I was about to pester him with my next question, vibrations pulsed through me. Again and again and again, I felt my phone buzzed with much delight and I wondered who could it be. And coincidentally, it was a text from you.
As I read your text, I couldn't help but smile and I could feel my insides began to churn with such glee. How could one text alone turn me into this beaming ray of sunshine that others and even myself, hardly get to see? After I've replied your message, I was finally able to give my full attention back to him and that's when I saw him smile. Confused, I asked why the sudden expression and he replied,"They say that just by looking at someone, you can tell if that person is in love - Dude, you're so falling head over heels for him."
I blushed as he said those words because maybe, just maybe, my heart is falling for you, slowly but surely.
Impatiently as I waited for his reply, I could see that he was trying hard to recall the absolute reason as to why the previous turn of events brought him here - to where he and her began. I started to irritably pick my nails - a habit I unfortunately, have not been able to omit. For the past few days, I've been asking friends the same question, hoping that my curiosity might actually benefit from it's straight-forwardness but so far, my attempts have not been fruitful - Point blank, it's been a bust thus far. And so, I asked the only person I knew who had a much higher level of experience and understanding in the following field(and believe you me, he was my last hope in knowing what I did not). Slowly, he began to face me, signaling that he had already thought out his answer and as I waited for him to finally speak the words I long to comprehend, the only thing I hoped for is an answer to my simple, unjustified question.
"You just know, you know? It's hard for me to say because everyone differs.
But once you know that that's it, you're pretty much set," he responded.
I sighed. I was hoping I could get something more out of him but alas, his answer was an equivalent to the other gazillion people I asked, beforehand. As I was about to pester him with my next question, vibrations pulsed through me. Again and again and again, I felt my phone buzzed with much delight and I wondered who could it be. And coincidentally, it was a text from you.
As I read your text, I couldn't help but smile and I could feel my insides began to churn with such glee. How could one text alone turn me into this beaming ray of sunshine that others and even myself, hardly get to see? After I've replied your message, I was finally able to give my full attention back to him and that's when I saw him smile. Confused, I asked why the sudden expression and he replied,"They say that just by looking at someone, you can tell if that person is in love - Dude, you're so falling head over heels for him."
I blushed as he said those words because maybe, just maybe, my heart is falling for you, slowly but surely.
Sunday, 6 May 2012
A Case of You
My eyes, they wander as I write this as does my mind and it comes to a point where they both simultaneously reach a dead end.
'What is there to look?
What is there to think?'
On and on these questions echo yet no answer was retrieved and again, these organs of mine begin to take flight and repeat the same dreary activities that fill my time with a hint of bitterness as it seems. It's within periods as these however, I often catch myself reminiscing on thoughts of you. On the conversations I had with you. On the details I remembered of you.
Like how you always had that gleam in your eye whenever a mischievous thought arose from you.
How a wide-cracked smile would stretch upon your face before a laughter ensues.
How you'd always pout, subconsciously, if a decision were to be made right there and then.
How you'd always take your caffeine fix with 3 sachets of sugar instead of 2 because it had the 'right' amount of taste to it.
How you'd pride over your wide selection of music on your iTunes.
How you'd start comparing your general knowledge with mine because mine seems somewhat 'inferior'(Oh brother, puh-lease).
How you'd get all starry-eyed when you reminisce about THE girl back home.
How you'd start telling me all these intricate details whenever a story-telling session comes up.
How you'd tell me every single thought, incident or event that happened in your life.
And isn't it funny when things don't turn out the way you expected them to? How one single event could turn this friendship of ours into a big blundering mess?
Whenever I cross paths with you(and a majority of them occur either accidentally or coincidentally), that smile that I would readily beam at you in a heartbeat, no questions asked, would start to fade away. My eyes could not bear to meet yours and my heart would be filled with much guilt and heartache that only God knows I can only withstand. What am I to do but pretend that everything between you and I are alright? What else can I do to ensure that things won't take an awkward turn for the worse?
It's also during these periods of silence-engulfing moments, that I start to wonder if you've moved on to a much better state of mind, leaving me here to fend for myself, alone, against the ghosts of our unwanted past. But more often than not, I wonder if God would be able to forgive me for my malicious sins. Because from time to time, these questions begin to surround me, submerge me and I find myself drowning in my own pool of demise.
'What is there to look?
What is there to think?'
On and on these questions echo yet no answer was retrieved and again, these organs of mine begin to take flight and repeat the same dreary activities that fill my time with a hint of bitterness as it seems. It's within periods as these however, I often catch myself reminiscing on thoughts of you. On the conversations I had with you. On the details I remembered of you.
Like how you always had that gleam in your eye whenever a mischievous thought arose from you.
How a wide-cracked smile would stretch upon your face before a laughter ensues.
How you'd always pout, subconsciously, if a decision were to be made right there and then.
How you'd always take your caffeine fix with 3 sachets of sugar instead of 2 because it had the 'right' amount of taste to it.
How you'd pride over your wide selection of music on your iTunes.
How you'd start comparing your general knowledge with mine because mine seems somewhat 'inferior'(Oh brother, puh-lease).
How you'd get all starry-eyed when you reminisce about THE girl back home.
How you'd start telling me all these intricate details whenever a story-telling session comes up.
How you'd tell me every single thought, incident or event that happened in your life.
And isn't it funny when things don't turn out the way you expected them to? How one single event could turn this friendship of ours into a big blundering mess?
Whenever I cross paths with you(and a majority of them occur either accidentally or coincidentally), that smile that I would readily beam at you in a heartbeat, no questions asked, would start to fade away. My eyes could not bear to meet yours and my heart would be filled with much guilt and heartache that only God knows I can only withstand. What am I to do but pretend that everything between you and I are alright? What else can I do to ensure that things won't take an awkward turn for the worse?
It's also during these periods of silence-engulfing moments, that I start to wonder if you've moved on to a much better state of mind, leaving me here to fend for myself, alone, against the ghosts of our unwanted past. But more often than not, I wonder if God would be able to forgive me for my malicious sins. Because from time to time, these questions begin to surround me, submerge me and I find myself drowning in my own pool of demise.
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