My eyes, they wander as I write this as does my mind and it comes to a point where they both simultaneously reach a dead end.
'What is there to look?
What is there to think?'
On and on these questions echo yet no answer was retrieved and again, these organs of mine begin to take flight and repeat the same dreary activities that fill my time with a hint of bitterness as it seems. It's within periods as these however, I often catch myself reminiscing on thoughts of you. On the conversations I had with you. On the details I remembered of you.
Like how you always had that gleam in your eye whenever a mischievous thought arose from you.
How a wide-cracked smile would stretch upon your face before a laughter ensues.
How you'd always pout, subconsciously, if a decision were to be made right there and then.
How you'd always take your caffeine fix with 3 sachets of sugar instead of 2 because it had the 'right' amount of taste to it.
How you'd pride over your wide selection of music on your iTunes.
How you'd start comparing your general knowledge with mine because mine seems somewhat 'inferior'(Oh brother, puh-lease).
How you'd get all starry-eyed when you reminisce about THE girl back home.
How you'd start telling me all these intricate details whenever a story-telling session comes up.
How you'd tell me every single thought, incident or event that happened in your life.
And isn't it funny when things don't turn out the way you expected them to? How one single event could turn this friendship of ours into a big blundering mess?
Whenever I cross paths with you(and a majority of them occur either accidentally or coincidentally), that smile that I would readily beam at you in a heartbeat, no questions asked, would start to fade away. My eyes could not bear to meet yours and my heart would be filled with much guilt and heartache that only God knows I can only withstand. What am I to do but pretend that everything between you and I are alright? What else can I do to ensure that things won't take an awkward turn for the worse?
It's also during these periods of silence-engulfing moments, that I start to wonder if you've moved on to a much better state of mind, leaving me here to fend for myself, alone, against the ghosts of our unwanted past. But more often than not, I wonder if God would be able to forgive me for my malicious sins. Because from time to time, these questions begin to surround me, submerge me and I find myself drowning in my own pool of demise.
'What is there to look?
What is there to think?'
On and on these questions echo yet no answer was retrieved and again, these organs of mine begin to take flight and repeat the same dreary activities that fill my time with a hint of bitterness as it seems. It's within periods as these however, I often catch myself reminiscing on thoughts of you. On the conversations I had with you. On the details I remembered of you.
Like how you always had that gleam in your eye whenever a mischievous thought arose from you.
How a wide-cracked smile would stretch upon your face before a laughter ensues.
How you'd always pout, subconsciously, if a decision were to be made right there and then.
How you'd always take your caffeine fix with 3 sachets of sugar instead of 2 because it had the 'right' amount of taste to it.
How you'd pride over your wide selection of music on your iTunes.
How you'd start comparing your general knowledge with mine because mine seems somewhat 'inferior'(Oh brother, puh-lease).
How you'd get all starry-eyed when you reminisce about THE girl back home.
How you'd start telling me all these intricate details whenever a story-telling session comes up.
How you'd tell me every single thought, incident or event that happened in your life.
And isn't it funny when things don't turn out the way you expected them to? How one single event could turn this friendship of ours into a big blundering mess?
Whenever I cross paths with you(and a majority of them occur either accidentally or coincidentally), that smile that I would readily beam at you in a heartbeat, no questions asked, would start to fade away. My eyes could not bear to meet yours and my heart would be filled with much guilt and heartache that only God knows I can only withstand. What am I to do but pretend that everything between you and I are alright? What else can I do to ensure that things won't take an awkward turn for the worse?
It's also during these periods of silence-engulfing moments, that I start to wonder if you've moved on to a much better state of mind, leaving me here to fend for myself, alone, against the ghosts of our unwanted past. But more often than not, I wonder if God would be able to forgive me for my malicious sins. Because from time to time, these questions begin to surround me, submerge me and I find myself drowning in my own pool of demise.
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