The clinks of the glasses and the clanks of the cutlery prepared before us sounded merrier than ever. As all of us gathered around that square table having our last dinner before our disbandment, each one following their own path towards what they yearn, towards what they think they should earn and see fit as their own future, we all shared both fear and anticipation of what awaits us.
When thoughts revolving friends, work, ambitions, dreams and family are left for us to ponder and wonder about the decisions that we did/should/could make, our minds were in a constant shuffle and yet it still brings us to our current circumstances today. Life even with it's everyday struggle and hardship has taught all(or maybe some) of us something in return. Although mistakes were made and nothing seems to be able to bring us back to that particular moment in time when we were at a crossroads in our lives, where we had our chance to travel down the road less taken or otherwise, we're still very grateful for things to have even turned out the way it actually has.
It's ridiculous how previous things/situations in particular were very much different than how it is now. I used to crumble when things regarding him were spoken of, about how much of a fool I was to have been under his spell, captured by his charming and provocative smile and everything else in between but now, I hardly do care and it is he who still wanders aimlessly with a thorn in his heart at sight. Ironic how the world works isn't it? But last night, all dramas aside, what I saw was a beautiful kinship between each of us and although it might be a dysfunctional kind, I am happy that I am a part of that.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Monday, 14 March 2011
The Suburbs
As much as I might sound like a backstabbing bitch who's turning her back on her own race(1/4 of it, really) by repeatedly seeing and saying the faults of the majority of Malays who can't do shit about themselves, all of it is still true. I'm sorry if I am being offensive in a sense but it's not like I'm saying that the Chinese, Indians nor I are way more better.
Yet if you let stupid, insignificant shit like issues on Ketuanan Melayu, Islamic matters which does not necessarily need to transcend into bigger problems, over-shadow things which might be of much more importance to our country, our nation, we then have to tackle the idiotic thinking of the general public who are spoon-fed from the start which I think is a fucking waste of time.
Bodoh, bodoh, bodoh.
Yet if you let stupid, insignificant shit like issues on Ketuanan Melayu, Islamic matters which does not necessarily need to transcend into bigger problems, over-shadow things which might be of much more importance to our country, our nation, we then have to tackle the idiotic thinking of the general public who are spoon-fed from the start which I think is a fucking waste of time.
Bodoh, bodoh, bodoh.
Thursday, 10 March 2011
Monday, 7 March 2011
Jangan Dewi Jangan
Although I do think that now I might be having a significant, enticing, brain fart/word vomit at the current moment, I'm just going to spit out whatever that's been brewing in my head. Because I honestly can't contain myself.
After reading blogs by individuals who are from the same age group, who are from the same course, the same university, I could suddenly feel my stomach heave yet not due to signs of relief but the other way around. It means I have to get back to being with people, where a majority of them share a lack of social skills, practical thinking nor maturity that I sometimes am appalled and dumbfounded with. And it's fucking killing me that I have to spend another moment in that hell zone with the lot of them, trying to get my ass to pass for each paper.
But all negative thoughts aside, there's only 3 years and 5 months more to go
and I'm making sure I won't fuck up my chances of freedom.
It's all about putting the mind into perspective and that's what I'll be doing to ensure that I won't get myself into anyone's drama. Hell, even if I do sound like an emotionless tart, friendships aren't even worth saving if you're going to be pulled into one of those idiotic, typical BS soap operas that make you forget what's important from the very start - your education. And relationships? If you're one of those females who are willing to put their male counterparts first in comparison to yourselves and your own well-being, all I can say is good luck to you.
I have had enough of people who aren't using enough
brain power to control themselves and their shitty behavior.
After reading blogs by individuals who are from the same age group, who are from the same course, the same university, I could suddenly feel my stomach heave yet not due to signs of relief but the other way around. It means I have to get back to being with people, where a majority of them share a lack of social skills, practical thinking nor maturity that I sometimes am appalled and dumbfounded with. And it's fucking killing me that I have to spend another moment in that hell zone with the lot of them, trying to get my ass to pass for each paper.
But all negative thoughts aside, there's only 3 years and 5 months more to go
and I'm making sure I won't fuck up my chances of freedom.
It's all about putting the mind into perspective and that's what I'll be doing to ensure that I won't get myself into anyone's drama. Hell, even if I do sound like an emotionless tart, friendships aren't even worth saving if you're going to be pulled into one of those idiotic, typical BS soap operas that make you forget what's important from the very start - your education. And relationships? If you're one of those females who are willing to put their male counterparts first in comparison to yourselves and your own well-being, all I can say is good luck to you.
I have had enough of people who aren't using enough
brain power to control themselves and their shitty behavior.
Sunday, 6 March 2011
Chances
It's funny how a few years might not seem like a few years. Instead, it feels like a few dramatic, momentous, riveting events took place within a span of a year and all you have are other occasional blurred out memories which you wish you could remember at the top of your head but usually, you don't. Other things crowd your mind with their insignificant importance but still, you can't control what your mind usually stores, can you?
I feel like the world is going too fast
and that in my opinion, is both a good and bad thing.
I met with an old friend and it was interesting to see how a few certain aspect of our lives had changed, including our views and perspectives on heavy issues which we hardly converse about, once upon a time ago. People change, either for better or worse but she was relieved that I was my same ol' usual self with a few changes here and there, religion-wise. And her? Sure, she's the same person she was 3 years ago but with a more positive outlook on life.
In comparison to our adolescent years in school,
I would say we're doing pretty alright so far.
I feel like the world is going too fast
and that in my opinion, is both a good and bad thing.
I met with an old friend and it was interesting to see how a few certain aspect of our lives had changed, including our views and perspectives on heavy issues which we hardly converse about, once upon a time ago. People change, either for better or worse but she was relieved that I was my same ol' usual self with a few changes here and there, religion-wise. And her? Sure, she's the same person she was 3 years ago but with a more positive outlook on life.
In comparison to our adolescent years in school,
I would say we're doing pretty alright so far.
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