Phobic

We sat and waited for what our stomachs had been grumbling for for the past half an hour, and in between the anticipation to fill our stomachs to the brim, we talked about what had been going on for the past couple of weeks because the unwanted effects of exams had turned everything into a blur and I suppose, I wanted to catch up on how things were going with her. That, and also about her new boy.

Words of affection and infatuation poured from her lips like an open stream as she told me stories of her and him. About how in the longest of times, she had never felt this happy before, about how in the littlest of ways, he makes her feel and become a much more better person than what she currently is and I guess the list goes on and on from there(something I won't bore you with, fortunately). I admit, eventhough the whole love-struck conversation made a sudden tinge of awkwardness start to bloom deep from within me without a moment too soon, seeing her happy made the whole thing tolerable. It's either that or I must've been in a good mood all morning, heh.

Then she asked a question I've been trying to avoid for much too long,
"So when are you going to get yourself a boyfriend?"

I smiled and told her that the following issue isn't exactly in my current state of mind. That all I want to do now is get finals done and over with, finish up this year, the next and eventually soon graduate from here(InsyaAllah). She didn't press on but she knew that as of right now, I just don't want to get myself involve in whatever relationship, love fest everyone seems to be partaking here these days. It'll be just too messy and complicated for my own livelihood.

Sure, it'd be another one of those euphoric, riveting moments I'll remember and etch so deep within my heart that maybe I'll start to bleed due to it's over-powering effect on me but why gamble my heart for something that won't work out? For something that won't last? For something that would disappear and fade within hindsight? As much as I might sound like a skeptic and a bit too much of a cynic on the front lines of love, I'm starting to accept that people actually do pretty well without someone's indefinite love and affection towards them. That's how it logically goes, believe you me.

By the way,

my sister told me a moment ago that she feels that we(her siblings) have been undermining her contributions into making this household a hygienic environment, one that all of us could live and breathe in and she feels terribly, terribly unappreciated because of it. I scoffed and apathetically told her, "Well, welcome to the struggle that I have to put up with on a daily basis." Who knew exams could have the ability to turn the nicest people into such annoying, sarcastic ones.