The Memory of You Sleeping

My head was weary, my soul tired and so I let them quiet down with a sweeping desire to sleep my despair away but all I got was a dream, a dream I contemplated once or twice if it was truly you. Your hair, those eyes, those dimples that surrounded your smile, they were all too vivid, too real to be true but all I wanted was to be near you. Even if it was for a minute or two, maybe this dream could mend this broken heart that was shattered into two.

But once that dream left my mind, all I could do was cry - cry an endless river that I've suppressed for far too long and instead of wondering why my insides were torn, I let myself wander and wander till I found myself gone. Although I've lessened my burden by not talking/thinking/wondering about you too often, the feeling I have of you still didn't wane yet instead, cause many other problems to become astray. Too many over-looked problems.

They say to ease a bitter heart, one must delete all memories of the (in)considerate other and this could be done by removing all pictures taken, collages given, gifts received nor given and etc but I found the following concept to somehow become much of a cowardly act, one I find much distressing to this soul. Yet are my opinions and views of things being placed up high on a pedestal, being considered as too important nor proud, that I'm scarring my own mental health away? Unfortunately, it looks so and this is the first time I'm finally admitting it out loud.

Going through all the pictures and videos of you and I on this laptop somehow made this heart lose it's capabilities to harden but more or less, quiver than tremble with a slight hint of guilt. Maybe some might consider this as an act of courage and some an act of stupidity but at the end of the day, my sanity is what I want it to be; sane. You are no longer in my life and I am no longer in yours and although we had a good run(a good long run), nothing lasts forever if it's not meant to be. I just wish this heart would listen to the advice it was given to heed.

& of all the pictures I have of you deleted,
I'm keeping this because the memory of you sleeping
is able to keep this heart of mine unknowingly at ease.