2012

Every year, I would always list down my resolutions without fail. A list of 5, a list of 10, sometimes the resolutions would further go on to be 15 then because I've always been the type of person who believes that by making them important, they will consequently turn themselves into my very own accomplishments - something which I cannot deny has happened before, mind you.

Still, I can't believe we're now moving into another chapter of our lives - from the year 2011 to that of the year 2012. It's funny how I still remember memories of high school, being in that dreadful turquoise-coloured pinafore, talking, playing, goofing around, being among people I miss and somehow now, longed a connection for. And I guess that was my fatal mistake; taking each and every one of those individuals for granted.

I know that life is filled with so many ironic twists and turns, that maybe you have to go through so many fucked up shit, befriend a few new faces while having to leave the old ones behind, to have the love of your life shoot you down like you mean nothing to them and meet other retarded motherfuckers that will make your life an unbearable living hell to the point where you'd either wish to end yours or theirs but that's how things work. That's how the universe works - to bring you down, break you apart, shred you into a million little pieces, only to have you, yourself, pick em up and reassemble them once more. And who knows, maybe you might end up being a much better/stronger/smarter/tougher version than you originally once were?

Looking back at my life, my previous post-adolescent years, I can't help but feel an emptiness, a certain kind of void that lies within me and I won't lie, sometimes that uneasiness still creeps up on me from time to time. But to be able to get myself this far; without the need to self-destruct, to feel unhappy at the slightest event, to not have the tendency to feel as though life is nothing in comparison to that of an endless, slumbering sleep - is something that I relish and still hope for.

When a friend asked what my resolutions for the year 2012 would be, I simply smiled. Not because I had nothing to say nor that I didn't know what to say but in actuality, that's what I would like the year 2012 to be.

I would like myself to be happy,
and there is nothing more I would wish for than this.